(It's) Supernatural
by He Who Writes His Own Canon
Summary: Honorary Avenger/sort-of X-Man Joel is drafted by the Avengers to recruit Spider-Man to the team. However, he must also contend with Peter Parker's best friend Wade Wilson, better known as the Merc with a Mouth, Deadpool. COMPLETE. Followed by "Against All Odds (Take a Look at Me Now)".
1. Chapter 1

_**A/N**_ : This is my first Marvel story... ever. And yes, this opening argument with Deadpool is true. I have no prior knowledge to any of this.

* * *

 **Deadpool** : Why can't I interact with Spidey?

 **Author** : First off, you _do_ interact with Peter, just not intimately. Second, you have to broaden your horizons. You can't just fuck Spider-Man. There are thousands of stories about the two of you. Other guys out there would totally bang you.

 **DP** : But how do I know your character isn't a total tool?

 **A** : Okay, you know what? If you don't start behaving, I'll make you into your _X-Men Origins_ counterpart and silence you for the entire story. How does that sound?

 **DP** : *pouts* Just because you read _one_ of my comics doesn't mean you can go around writing fanfiction like a fucking pro. You're doing this mostly on Wikipedia knowledge and other fanfiction.

 **A** : I'm working on it!

* * *

"No. Absolutely not."

"Do you want to be an official Avenger or not? Honorary only gets you so far," Tony pointed out. Joel rolled his eyes and opened his mouth to retort, but he was cut off. "Look, kid, I know you're twenty-one, but you're the only one of us who _still_ looks like a kid. You're the chance we have at this."

"Oh, that's so nice, especially since it's coming from you," Joel scoffed. "High school sucked enough the first time, the second time is bound to be worse." He looked around; the others were nodding in agreement with Tony's statement. "Steve!"

Steve swiveled in his revolving chair from his paperwork. "Tony, don't pressure the boy." Joel turned red at the term of endearment. "Joel, you remember how long it took for you to trust us when we took you in, right?" Joel nodded. "Well, think of this as _us_ trusting _you_."

"It's not every day a teenage hust—" Clint looked up from sharpening his arrows when he was suddenly thrown over the countertop. Joel's arm was outstretched, having blasted him over.

"I thought we all swore to never talk about who I was before!" He shouted. Everyone else seemed unfazed by this outburst; most of them knew Joel was prone to shooting people at the slightest provocation, in this case, his past as a teenage prostitute.

Steve had gotten up from his chair and placed a comforting hand on the young man's shoulder. He always had the upper hand on everyone else in calming Joel down. In return, Joel kept Steve up to date on current events.

"I'm calm. Anyway, why can't you send either Pietro or Wanda? _They_ still look young enough." Joel's gaze darted over to the Sokovian twins, both of whom seemed suddenly interested with Bruce's research. He threw up his hands in defeat. "Ugh, fine! But the second I'm official, you're following up on your promise that I can use your suit on the next mission." He glared at Tony and stormed to his room.

* * *

The students' eyes landed on the bright red Porsche that pulled into the Midtown High parking lot. The door opened to reveal a short boy with long brown hair, who stepped out, backpack slung over his shoulder. The whispers started up and the boy simply walked past everyone, not bothering to look at any of them. He was here for one reason only and it was the only thing he was going to get done.

"So I was telling Peter here that..." Harry Osborn was saying to Gwen Stacy and Mary Jane Watson with his best friend Peter Parker at his side when he suddenly trailed off. The new boy stood, watching them. "Uh, hi. Can we help you with something?"

"I'm new here and you four are the only ones who haven't looked at me weird, so I was wondering if maybe one—or all of you—could show me around a bit," the boy smiled. The four of them looked at each other and Harry approached the new arrival.

"You've come to the right place for a school tour. Name's Harry. That's Peter, Gwen, and MJ." He pointed to each of them in turn.

"Hey, guys! Who's the new kid?" Harry, Gwen, and MJ all groaned quietly. Peter lit up and high-fived the newcomer. "He doesn't look like much."

"And this is Wade." Peter was the one to introduce the hooded boy, whose face was obstructed by a large pair of sunglasses. "I know he looks older than us, but that's because..."

"Petey, he doesn't need to know everything yet," the boy named Wade admonished. "Cat got your tongue? What's your name?"

"Joel." Joel extended his hand. "Joel Richardson." Wade looked down at him as if he sensed something. Joel slowly lowered his hand and took a few steps back.

Peter nudged Wade in the ribs. "Wade, don't be rude," he hissed.

"There's something off about him," Wade murmured. Joel looked from Wade to Peter, Harry, and the girls, who only looked at him back.

"I'll, uh, find my own way," he said. "See you guys later. It was nice to meet you, Wade." Joel waved in departure and took off down the hall.

"Why do you think there's something off about him?" Peter looked at Wade, who glanced at him.

"Well, first off, he didn't run away screaming once he saw my face," Wade reasoned.

"That's because he _couldn't_ see your face," Harry interjected. "Those ridiculous prop glasses are enough to keep most people occupied and not pay much attention to anything else." The bell rang and Harry and the girls departed for class, leaving Peter and Wade alone in the corridor.

"Petey?"

"Yeah, Wade?"

"Wanna ditch and go make out in a broom closet?"

* * *

 **A** : You're twisting this to your own satisfaction!

 **DP** : Well, you're not a very good writer.

 **A** : One more insult like that and you're going to be fucking Scott Adkins! Now shut the hell up and let me write.

* * *

That night, Joel was on patrol, in his green-and-black spandex suit—complete with a crimson red ski mask. He sat atop a local convenience store, hoping that maybe a robber would try and hold the place up so he could prove his worthiness to the Avengers, who, he knew, saw him as nothing more than a kid with superpowers.

"The Incredible Mask, huh?" A voice called out. "What'd you do? Use an online superhero name generator?" Joel spun around quickly to find Deadpool sitting cross-legged on a turbine eating a taco.

"Deadpool." Joel returned his gaze forward, voice dripping with contempt.

"Not very welcoming to your friendly neighborhood Deadpool," the merc replied with a raised eyebrow. "Y'know, small fry, you remind me an awful lot of this kid I met earlier today."

Joel stiffened slightly but said nothing. He looked down to see a hooded man pointing a gun at the young man at the cash register and he sprung into action. Jumping to the pavement and landing swiftly on his feet, he ran inside and, knocking out the crook with one punch, handed the curly-haired kid the pillowcase full of money. The kid smiled gratefully and Joel dragged the man outside.

"So you're basically a smaller, scrawnier—if that were even possible—Spider-Man," Deadpool jeered. He leapt down to Joel and watched him closely.

"Fuck off, Wilson," Joel growled. Deadpool's identity was no big secret and even as a sort-of Avenger, Joel was very aware of the rest of the team's disdain for the mercenary.

"Ouch. Kitty's got claws." Wade whipped out a katana and moved towards the unconscious baddie, but Joel intercepted him and put a hand up.

"Put that away, you psycho. No one's decapitating anyone." Wade pouted slightly and sheathed his weapon of choice.

"You're no fun," he mumbled. "Why do superheroes these days have to be so damn gallant?" He sidled up to Joel, for once silent as he watched the smaller man fully incapacitate his charge. "Your ass looks mighty fine from here," he whispered. Joel flinched and the next thing he knew, Wade was on his back. "Damn, kid, you move quick."

Joel was breathing hard. "I know you have no brain-to-mouth filter, Wilson, but for once in your life, shut the fuck up." Spider-Man swung down behind him, causing the young mutant to flinch once more. "Goddamn it! Are you two teaming up on me or something?"

"We can double team you, sugar," Wade leered. Joel reddened and then, in a flash of light, disappeared. "C'mon! You can be in the middle!" He shook his head. "He was cute too."

Spidey cocked his head. "Why do you always scare them away?"

* * *

 _ **A/N2**_ : Review please and tell me if I'm doing a horrible job. Constructive criticism if possible.


	2. Chapter 2

_**A/N**_ : I've actually been taking a notebook to work lately and I've been scratching out at least three pages of material each night. This chapter focuses more on the family-ish dynamics between Joel and mostly Tony and Steve. Tony's the dad and Steve's the mom.

* * *

"C'mon, twerp. What're you gonna do?" Peter heard the all-too-familiar laughter of Flash Thompson and his goons from around the corner. Observing the scene before him, Joel was held up against a row of lockers by Travis Cartwright and Max Whitmore while Flash got in his face.

Joel did not, however, convey the terror that most kids did when confronted by Flash. He simply looked bored and unfazed by the insults and threats. "Are you done yet? Because I have places to be."

The blond jock scowled at the lack of reaction and punched the locker next to Joel's head. He fisted Joel's flannel shirt into his hand and pulled the smaller man to eye level. "I'm flattered," Joel sassed. "But I need to be bought dinner first."

"What's wrong with you? Freak." Joel's gaze hardened and Peter could swear—Spidey senses or not—he could hear Joel's knuckles crack as he clenched his fists. Without a second to waste, Joel headbutted Flash, breaking his nose, before turning to Travis and Max and knocking their heads together.

"You're what's wrong, asshole." Joel smirked and, stepping over Travis' unmoving body, went on his way.

 _Holy shit_. Peter pressed his back against the wall. Wade was right; there _was_ something seriously off about Joel.

"Hey, hot stuff." Wade slung an arm on Peter's shoulder. "You look like you've just seen a ghost. What happened?"

Peter exhaled to make sure it wasn't a dream. "I just saw Joel single-handedly take out Flash and two of his cronies," he explained. "You think he's—"

Wade nodded. "Yep."

"The only thing now is to find out what he wants."

* * *

Joel returned to Avengers Tower after school let out. He went to his room and flopped down onto his bed, pulling a bottle of vodka out from underneath. "Not a word, JARVIS!" He called to the ceiling. "And a do not disturb notice, please."

"Yes, Master Joel," the AI chirped. "But Masters Stark and Rogers request your presence in the lab."

Joel groaned and sat up. He grumbled under his breath all the way down to the lab. "What do you want?"

Tony looked up from his latest update to the suit. "Sit down, Joel." His voice was a mix between tired and exasperated. Noticing this, Joel obeyed without complaint. "We got a call from the school—"

"Look, I lost control!" Joel blurted out. "I'm really sorry! Please don't kick me out! I'll be good, I promise!"

Steve laid a hand on Joel's shoulder. "Joel, take a deep breath. We're not going to evict you. You are welcome as long as you need."

"Kid, why does your breath reek of vodka?" Tony asked. "I thought we talked about your drinking habits." Joel kicked at the floor like a petulant child. "Joel, I expect an answer."

"I— I needed some me time before I go on patrol—"

"That's another thing. You won't be patrolling for a while." Joel looked up, eyes wide. "Your bandit was found headless in a dumpster this afternoon."

"It wasn't me!" Joel's voice rose considerably. "It was—it was Deadpool!"

Steve tried to keep Joel calm but to no avail. An old core reactor flew across the room, very narrowly hitting Steve in the head, and smashed against the wall. Tony got up and pointed to the stairwell.

Joel looked to Steve for help but the blond was rubbing the spot he was grazed. "You may be of age, Joel, but you are still our responsibility," Tony said, arm outstretched. "Aside from your assignment, you are to come directly home after school and no patrolling until further notice. Is that understood?"

"Yes, sir." Joel nodded and left quietly.

"Just like raising a bratty teenager, huh?" Steve shot Tony a small smile.

"I heard that!"

* * *

"It's been three hours since we heard Joel close his door," Clint reported to Tony and Steve. "You think he snuck out again?"

Tony looked up from his update. Joel had always snuck out of the tower when he was punished for whatever reason, usually disabling JARVIS' access to his room in the process. How the kid was a tech whiz rivaled only by Tony himself was a mystery.

"What'd he do anyway?" Clint followed the two down the corridor. "I overheard him mumbling something about not being allowed to patrol."

"A robber that Joel apprehended was found without a head in a dumpster." Steve ran a hand through his hair. "Joel is insistent that Deadpool did it."

"On top of that, he beat the crap out of three kids at school. Normally, this would be construed as violence against minors, but seeing as how the school thinks he's seventeen, he was let off with a warning."

Tony knocked on Joel's door. "Joel?" No answer. He tried the doorknob, but it was locked. "Joel, open the door!"

"JARVIS, open the locks to Joel's room, please," Steve called out.

"I'm afraid I cannot do that, Master Rogers," JARVIS replied. "The young Master Joel had disabled all outside access to his living quarters. Whether he is inside or not is unknown."

Tony growled. "Joel William Richardson, open this door right fucking now or you're back on the streets where we found you!" Steve would normally scold Tony for his profanity, but seeing the rage on the billionaire's face, he remained silent.

"Sir, I've found a loophole to Master Joel's lockout. The door is now open."

Tony opened the door and, seeing a very suspicious-looking lump on the bed, threw back the covers, only to find a peacefully-sleeping Joel, curled into a ball. Anger draining almost instantly, Tony replaced the covers and moved next to Steve.

"He looks so serene when asleep," Steve murmured. Tony nodded and leaned on Steve's shoulder. "Do you realize what today signifies?"

"Hmm?"

"He's like a son to us. Hot-headed and stubborn like you, doesn't back down from a fight like me." Steve reached down and brushed a lock of hair out of Joel's eyes. "Let him sleep." The two left the room, closing the door quietly.

* * *

Joel wandered down to the kitchen early the next morning and, as an apology to Tony and Steve—whom he considered his dads, prepared breakfast.

"Joel?" He turned from the coffee machine to see Clint and Natasha.

"Morning." He beamed and handed the two of them coffee. "Just the way you like it; non-dairy creamer for Clint and black for Nat."

Clint and Natasha looked at each other and back at Joel. "Is this some kind of suck-up to Tony and Steve to let you patrol?" Clint asked, sipping his coffee.

"No." Joel shook his head. "It's more an apology for..." He trailed off, fixing his attention on the eggs, and the two nodded. Steve had told them what happened in the lab; everyone left Joel alone until Clint brought up the idea of him sneaking out.

"Dad—I mean, Tony! Steve!" Joel rushed over to them, holding out a tray. "I—I'm sorry I lashed out yesterday." Tears welled up in his eyes.

Steve bent down and embraced the smaller man. "It's okay," he soothed.

"Did you just call us 'Dad'?" Tony's eyes gleamed with amusement. Joel didn't answer; he unlatched himself from Steve and, mumbling something about getting ready for school, ran off.

* * *

"Hey, Joel?" Peter tapped on the boy's shoulder. "Can I ask you something?"

"You just did, but sure." Joel closed his locker and glanced up at him.

"Do you know anything about a vigilante known as The Incredible Mask?"

Joel shook his head. "No, can't say that I have." He turned to leave, but Wade was standing in his way. "I'm sorry. Do you mind?"

Wade went straight to the point. "You're The Incredible Mask."

Joel groaned. "Fine. You got me. You win. Big fucking whoop. But you, _Deadpool_ , beheaded my perp, so bite me." He stalked off towards his first class.

"Is that an invitation?" Wade called after him. All he got in response was Joel's middle finger. "He wants it."

"Damn it, Wade. Stop pissing him off so that he just up and leaves before we can ask him anything." Peter shook his head.

Wade shrugged. "You know how he just randomly transferred here yesterday. He was sent as a spy."

"That's crazy, even for you."

"Think about it, Petey. Random-looking kid, maybe sixteen, seventeen years old, doesn't look like he can do much damage. Then he beats the shit out of the school's biggest douchebags with no effort whatsoever." Wade spread his arms out. "Sounds sketch to me."


	3. Chapter 3

_**A/N**_ : This just reached new levels of insanity and it's the one thing about this fic I don't regret one bit. Most of this chapter takes place within a flashback and there will be another one somewhere in the next couple chapters.

* * *

 **DP** : I guess he's kind of a bad ass, but he's kind of a kiss-ass too.

 **A** : Well, your opinion isn't really needed, now is it?

 **DP** : I'm just sayin'. By the way, what's your flashback going to be about? Me?

 **A** : Pfft. You wish. Everyone reading already knows your story.

 **DP** : So it's about your tool of a Mary Sue, huh?

 **A** : Stop calling him a tool or I promise, I am going to punch you in your fictional face!

 **DP** : *unsheathes katana* Come at me, bro.

 **A** : *sighs in defeat* Just shut the fuck up, Wade.

* * *

"How long am I grounded for?" Joel sat on the couch beside Steve. "I swear, I didn't decapitate the guy. I'm not that sadistic. It was that prick Deadpool. He actually approached me with a katana in hand. Had to tell him to put it away; he pouted like a small child. It was actually kind of cute."

"I know." Steve nodded, not having heard the end of that sentence. "You know, he's— Wade Wilson is kind of a handful, I guess you could say." He put an arm around Joel. "As for your punishment... your outburst set you back a little bit. Remember when we found you?"

 _ **FLASHBACK – five years earlier**_

Joel approached the two men, head held high, despite his friends' protests. "Hey there, handsome, want to have a little fun?" He smirked and ran a finger along the sweatshirt of the tall blond one. The other man, with shorter brown hair, pulled him away and Joel pouted slightly before going back to his group.

"Can't blame a guy for trying."

That night, Joel was sitting in the alleyway, waiting for someone to come by when he blacked out. When he came to, he was sitting in a fancy living room. He looked around, blinking, and saw a large group of people watching him closely.

"What the hell do you want from me? If this is a gang bang, I swear to—" He was silenced by a slap to the face. After quickly recovering, he tried the kicked puppy approach. "W-what do you want? I have no money." This was a lie, but no one needed to know that.

"How old are you?" A man asked. He was tall with black-rimmed glasses and a concerned look on his face.

"What does it matter? I'm old enough." He made to stand up but found himself wrapped in ropes. "Hey, this is kidnapping! Untie me, goddamn it!"

Another man stepped forward; Joel recognized him from that afternoon. "Please, let me go. I won't say a word, I promise." He shut his eyes and felt his body heat up, the ropes binding him melting away slowly. The people surrounding him stepped back. "I don't want to hurt any of you. I am fully aware of what I'm capable of."

He stood up but felt himself pulled down once more; turning in his seat, he found a third man, this one with a large prosthetic arm. "I'm only saying it one more time. Let. Me. Go."

"Buck, it's okay. Let him up." A voice spoke up. Joel saw the man he'd hit on and flushed slightly. "You don't have anyone, do you?"

Joel scoffed. "What? I have people. In fact, they're gonna be worried about me." He cricked his neck and walked over to the elevator. "Don't worry about me. I don't understand why you care so much." As the doors closed, the Avengers could have sworn they heard "No one else does."

* * *

After that, Joel stopped hanging out at that corner and found a new spot just outside an abandoned apartment building that had clearly been the site of an high-scale destructive fight.

"Come on, there's gotta be someone who needs some nightly company!" He whined after the fifth passing guy had rejected him. "I'm not even that expensive!"

"So this is how you earn money," a voice asked. Joel looked around; he didn't recognize the voice. "Don't you have any dignity?"

Joel huffed. "I have my dignity, thank you very much. There's not much a sixteen-year-old can do in way of jobs, especially since I dropped out last year."

The person came into view and sat down beside Joel. He was one of the superpeople who had abducted him. "What? Not going to tie me up and shove me into the back of a van this time?" He rolled up his sleeves, narrowly avoiding revealing the multitude of knife marks along his wrists. "I still have these bruises from being manhandled."

"Do you have any idea who we are?" The man asked, head cocked to the side.

"Well, you guys do look a little like this superhero team in the comic books I read as a kid, but those were comics." Joel bit his lip, frowning. "Hold on." He opened his knapsack and rooted around, pulling out a comic book. _The Avengers #1_. He looked from the comic to the man and putting two and two together, his jaw dropped. "Holy _shit_. You're _Iron Man_. Then that guy I hit on earlier was— Oh fuck."

"Cap wants you to come live with us." Joel did a double-take. "Seriously, kid. You don't have anyone, do you?" Joel shrugged. Tony let out a low whistle and the Iron Man suit flew down in front of them.

"Whoa."

* * *

Within the next year, the multitude of powers that Joel possessed came to light as well as his past. He sat down with the team and told them that he hails from Baltimore and that his parents died in an airplane crash when he was 12 and he was bounced from one foster home to another. He was bullied so much that he stopped going to school at 14 and, seeing no other option, hitchhiked and began living on the streets of New York City as a hustler.

 _ **END FLASHBACK**_

"Yeah, I guess you're right," Joel conceded and leaned on Steve's shoulder, closing his eyes. "I'm—"

"No need for apologies. Just be good, okay?"

"Okay."

* * *

"Have a good day at school, don't beat anyone up, and work on your assignment." Steve pressed a kiss to Joel's forehead the next morning.

"Will do." Joel beamed and waved from the elevator. He got down to the garage and unlocked his car. A clatter came from behind him and he spun around, hands glowing blue. "W-who's there?"

"So you're an Avenger." The familiar red-and-black suit stepped out of the shadows.

Joel groaned in frustration. "How the fuck did you get in here? You know what, I don't even want to know. Just leave me alone and get the fuck out." He got into the car. "Asshole."

"You want to see it?" Deadpool asked from beside him.

"See what—? Goddamn it! Get out of my car!" Joel shouted, pressing a button that opened the passenger side. "Out!"

"No need to yell at me," Wade said. "I know when I'm not wanted. I just thought you wanted to see my ass." He stepped out of the vehicle, back towards Joel.

Joel grumbled something under his breath and shut the door, peeling out of his designated parking spot and driving up the ramp.

"Can't we carpool?" Joel gripped the steering wheel with both hands, his knuckles turning white. Wade had once again appeared beside him. "Don't get so angry. It ruins your attractiveness."

"What do you want?" The garage door opened and he pulled onto the main road. "I'm far from being in the mood for your bullshit today."

Wade was uncharacteristically silent for most of the ride before he suddenly spoke up. "I guess I'm sorry for taking the head off your robber," he said softly. Joel parked the car and looked over at him, looking slightly taken aback. "Pete told me I should apologize."

Joel chuckled lightly. "I forgive you. No point staying mad. You're just going to piss me off more eventually anyway."

"What do you want with Petey anyway?" Wade removed his mask and looked Joel in the eye. "You're not going to hurt him, are you? Because if you do—"  
"I'm not going to hurt him. What I'm trying to do doesn't require anyone to get hurt. The team just wants Spider-Man, and they entrusted me to bring him in. They promised that if I do, I can finally be an official Avenger." Joel looked down at his hands. "Truth is, I've always wanted to be one of them. Ever since I was a kid and reading their comics..."

"Hold on, you can break the fourth wall too?"

"Uh, yeah, of course I can. I'm basically the embodiment of the author." He looked up; the bell rang. "Let's go, we're late." He got out of the car, followed by Wade, who tagged after him, replacing his mask.

"Are you even _in_ high school?"


	4. Chapter 4

**DP** : How much longer is this?

 **A** : If you don't like it, you can stop annoying me while I write.

 **DP** : But I like annoying you. It keeps me entertained.

 **A** : I bet it does.

 **DP** : Have you gone any further in my comics?

 **A** : Yeah, I bought _Deadpool: The Complete Collection, Volume 3_ for $38.

 **DP** : *silent*

 **A** : What?

 **DP** : *grabs the Author in a bone-crushing hug*

 **A** : *trying to squirm away* Wade, what is this for?

 **DP** : You took the money out of your Comic-Con savings for me!

 **A** : Oh, jeez...

* * *

"Hey, Peter, we need to talk." Joel approached the other boy in the library, looking slightly apprehensive. The brunet put down the textbook he was reading and looked at Joel. "I, uh, haven't been completely honest with you."

"You haven't really told us much about you to begin with, so I'm sure this will come as a surprise either way." Joel sat down, fidgeting with his hands. "Hey, whatever it is, it can't be as bad as it seems."

"I guess the first thing I should tell you is that I'm not seventeen." Peter raised an eyebrow. "Hell, I'm not even really in high school. I dropped out seven years ago." Joel sighed. "I'm twenty-one." He dug his wallet out of his back pocket to show his driver's license. "And, oh God, this is going to sound so stupid coming from me, but," he leaned in close, "I'm here to talk to you about the Avengers. They want Spider-Man."

Peter tilted his head to the side. "So they sent you instead of Iron Man or Captain America or even Nick Fury?" Joel's eyes narrowed. "I'm just saying. I mean, no one's ever heard of..."

"Look, I honestly don't know why they sent me but if I can do this, I can be an official Avenger. I'm only honorary right now." Joel raked a hand through his hair.

Peter seemed to mull this new information over. "What are your powers?" Joel slumped in his chair. "If you show me your powers, I might take this into serious consideration."

"You are a piece of work," Joel muttered, grabbing the boy's hand and pulling him into the stacks. "Now just stand still and keep your trap shut." Joel closed his eyes and took a deep breath; when he opened them, they were no longer brown but a glassy blue. As Joel rose his eyes to the ceiling, Peter felt himself leave the floor. Looking down, he watched as he went where Joel's eyes did.

"O-okay! Put me down. Joel, put me down, seriously!" Joel lowered Peter back to the floor and quirked an eyebrow, smirking slightly. "So you're basically an X-Man? Did you ever consider going to the Jean Grey School for Higher Learning? It's like an hour from here."

Joel sighed. "One of these days, I'll tell you everything there is to know about me, but for now, just think it over." He gave Peter a small smile before vanishing in a flash of light.

* * *

Joel walked outside after fifth period and punched the side of the building. Seven years out of the classroom really screws things up; he'd been chewed out (and subsequently laughed at) for being unable to fully comprehend a simple science experiment. After making a passing comment about intentionally mixing the wrong ingredients (which would have caused an explosion), he was sent to the office, where he was just barely able to convince the principal to not call "his parents" and agreed to a week of lunchtime detention.

"Hey, kid." Joel looked around and saw a man in a smoking jacket. "C'mere. I got something to show you."

"I got something to show you too," Joel mimicked his tone before raising both middle fingers. "I'm not a kid, nor am I stupid. Fuck off, creep."

The man smirked. "You asked for it," was all he said before Joel felt something crack against the back of his head and he blacked out.

* * *

The next thing he knew, he was wet. Joel came to as a bucket of water was thrown in his face. "You're awake," said the man. "And wet."

"Yeah, no shit, Sherlock," Joel snarled. "What do you want from me?"

"You, Mr. Richardson, possess powers far greater than any currently known mutant. We would like your help in eliminating a little issue we have here at HYDRA."

Joel froze; he knew the organization all too well. Whatever they wanted to use him for, Joel knew he was going to regret it.

"We know you're the Avengers' little brat. As you have inner connections to the team, you will destroy them from within."

Joel shook his head vehemently. "No. No fucking way. They're my family. They care about me."

The man chuckled darkly. "That's where you're wrong. They merely tolerate you. Your knack for attracting trouble is what's going to get you kicked back to the streets where they found you." Joel paled, closing his eyes and trying to shut out the man's voice. "You're a burden on them, Joel. They don't care about you. We do. We won't put a leash on your powers."

Joel pulled his knees to his chest, trying to keep his breathing steady. "You're lying. They thought I was asleep, but I heard everything. I'm like their son."

"You're a very foolish boy." Joel's eyes flashed blue and he raised a hand, blasting the man into the wall. "Isolate him!" Two burly men hurried over; one tased Joel, the other hoisted him over his shoulder and carried him away.

* * *

"Does anyone know where Joel is?" Tony asked. He'd been up and down the tower looking for him. "He's not answering his phone." Everyone in the room shrugged. "He is in so much trouble. I told him to come home after school."

The elevator dinged and it opened to reveal Peter and Wade, both in civvies, with Wade once again donning his prop sunglasses. "Joel wasn't in sixth period. We thought he might've just come back here."

"He is so getting an extension on that grounding," Tony muttered.

"Did Joel talk to you?" Steve asked, walking over to Peter. "About... you know?"

Peter nodded. "Yeah, he did. Told him I'd think it over." Wade kept nudging his side. "What?" Wade opened his satchel and pulled out a leather-bound album. "Wade, you _really_ brought that with you?" Wade continued to nudge him and nod up to Steve. "Fine. I'll ask him." He groaned. "Will you sign Wade's Captain America trading cards? He wouldn't shut up about them all the way up here."

"There are more pressing matters right now. Where the hell is Joel? He'd better be abducted if he's not answering his phone."

* * *

Joel's eyes flickered open and he looked around to find himself in a cell. He knew that the Avengers cared about him and that they'd be out to find him.

"What the hell are you doing here?" A voice asked. Joel looked up to see Travis Cartwright in the cell beside him.

"I should ask you the same question. I don't recall you being anything more than a teenage douchebag." Joel leaned up against the bars and looked at the redheaded boy.

Travis looked at his hands. "My dad puts me in here as punishment. It really sucks being the kid of a HYDRA agent." He was silent for a minute. "Joel, I'm sorry about—"

"It's fine." Joel shook his head. "Just forget about it. How do we get out of here?"

Travis pointed to an airduct above Joel's cell. "Through there. It's the only way out that doesn't require a key." Joel nodded. "I know what you're thinking. Save yourself. My dad will let me out eventually, but he won't let you go until you agree to whatever diabolical plan he has."

"Hell no, you're coming with me, kid." Joel placed his hands on the bars between the cells and concentrated. "I may be selfish, but I ain't cruel." He felt his hands heat up and Travis backed away to the other side of his cell, eyes wide. "Don't act so surprised, Trav. Seriously, I'm five-foot-four and I kicked three jocks' asses." A few minutes later were to no avail. "Fuck!"

"Joel, I—"

"Quiet. Let me think." Joel looked around, eyes finally fixating on Travis. "You're the smallest one of the bunch. You might actually be able to squeeze through these." Joel grabbed the bars and was able to bend them only slightly, but enough for Travis to get through.

"You are so cool," Travis grinned once he joined Joel on his side.

"Don't get ahead of yourself." Joel exhaled and opened the airduct. He rose up into the air and slid into the hole, holding out his hands for Travis. "I'll keep you safe, kid. I promise." Travis nodded and allowed Joel to help him in.

* * *

"The tracker I put into Joel's phone leads us there." Tony pointed at the underground HYDRA base. "Of course once they find out that we have a very powerful mutant on us, they have to go and abduct him." He turned to the team, flanked by Spider-Man and Deadpool. "We need someone to go down there and—"

"I volunteer as tribute!" Deadpool shouted, startling everyone, and running towards the compound.

Spider-Man face-palmed. "Damn it, Wade."


	5. Chapter 5

_**A/N**_ : Well, it wasn't the flashback I intended, but I am so, so sorry in advance for what you're going to see in this chapter. The flashback scene kind of wrote itself. I know nothing about foster care or how it works.

* * *

"So you don't know how you got your powers; they just started up after you hit puberty?" Travis asked as he and Joel crawled through the duct.

"That's pretty much the size of it," Joel replied. "Stop for a sec." He looked down through the vents to see Agent Cartwright deep in conversation with someone. "Okay, your dad's down there. Let's just stay put." The duct creaked and shook. "Fuck." It broke open, dumping Joel and Travis onto the floor.

Agent Cartwright looked down at him and chuckled. "You shouldn't have tried to escape," he said. "We only planned to torture you a little bit, but now... oh, this is gonna be fun." The same two men came and lifted Joel onto the table, strapping him down tight. "Don't try and fight it, Joel. Those straps are resistant to your powers." Turning to his son, who was just standing up, he knocked him back to the floor with a backhand to the face. "You're a disappointment."

"B-but, D-Dad, please, I—" Travis stuttered. "You don't need to do this."

"I don't need to, sure, but I _want_ to, kiddo. Holding cell over there. He can watch his _little_ friend suffer." Travis was shoved into the cage at the other side of the lab.

* * *

"Oh my Gods, shut up," Tony growled as he, Steve, Peter, and Wade crept down the corridor. Wade was humming the _Mission: Impossible_ theme. "Remind me never to allow Deadpool on missions ever again."

"Your tracker says Joel is on the opposite side of the base," Peter whispered, pointing it forward.

Three goons appeared, wielding guns. Peter webbed them out of their hands while Wade incapacitated them. Tony and Steve stood, watching silently. When Wade had one man's head in his hands and attention focused on Peter, Peter stepped forward. "I taught him self-control," he said proudly before turning to Wade. "Go ahead." The crunch made Steve wince but the four continued down the way.

* * *

"I don't seem to recall my son being a coward before," Cartwright said morosely. Travis wiped his eyes and buried his face in his hands while Joel shouted obscenities at him.

"You are a terrible fucking parent!" He shouted. "You're worse than my last foster dad! And he _raped_ me!"

Cartwright turned back to Joel, smirk wide. "My dear boy, you don't remember?" Joel's blood ran cold. "Joely boy—"

"N-no. No. It can't be— you can't— Oh Gods, no, no, no. No!" The restraints shook with the force of his fear and anger. The agent whipped out a chainsaw and started it, pressing the blade into the man's wrist, making him cry out in pain.

As Cartwright proceeded to take off Joel's right hand, he began to talk. "You know, Travis is indeed my real son. He lived with his mother until her passing four years ago. He was twelve, making you about seventeen at that time." Joel whimpered a little. "I fostered four boys, you being one of them. The year was 2008—"

 _ **FLASHBACK**_

Joel was ushered forward, looking hesitantly up at the man he was supposed to call his new father. He'd had six other families between his parents' death and this one. None of them wanted to keep him around long enough. Admittedly, he didn't want to stay with them, so he caused as much chaos as possible, but he knew there was something off about this Mr. Johansson. He turned back to Mrs. O'Connor and walked over to her.

"Ma'am, there's something about him," he whispered. "I don't wanna go with him."

"Joel, please, just please try to make this work," she said, looking down at him from the desk. "There aren't many foster families willing to take a thirteen-year-old, especially one that's been sent back so many times."

"But—"

"Please, just take a few weeks with Mr. Johansson and then we'll see, okay?" Joel frowned but nodded and followed the man out to his car.

* * *

"Joel!" The 14-year-old flinched. It was six months later and he was in the basement, holding his left arm in a sling. Mr. Johansson had broken it after seeing the failing grades on his report card. He wasn't allowed to call him Dad and Joel wouldn't have either way.

Jake and Chris, twins and the oldest boys in the house, came downstairs and smirked at Joel. "Dad wants to see you, Joely." Chris' eyes gleamed with a sadistic streak. "You're in trouble again."

"B-but I've been down here all day," Joel murmured, not looking at them. "What could I have done down here?"

Jake walked over and punched Joel in the stomach, making the smaller boy fall backwards, using his free arm to clutch his abdomen. "Remember that crash you heard about an hour ago?" Joel nodded. "We decided to blame you and now Dad wants to see you in the den."

"Fuck you guys," Joel snapped, standing up. He was at least a foot shorter than the other two but he didn't care. "I can't wait until the next inspection. Then they'll take me away from you sick fuckers."

The twins' smirks only widened and Chris pushed Joel against the wall. "I'm sure Dad won't mind us roughing you up a bit before you go back up," he said. Joel found himself faced to the wall and his pants yanked down.

* * *

"Hey, Dad, here he is." Joel was shoved from the basement entrance into the living room. "He's been having the time of his life down there. Haven't you, short stack?" Joel looked up from the floor, eyes watering.

Mr. Johansson stood up and grabbed Joel by the hair, tossing him against the fireplace. He pointed to a broken vase on the floor. "What is this?"

"I— I didn't do that!" Joel's voice was hoarse and barely above a whisper. "It was the twins, I swear! I didn't leave the basement all day! P-please don't hurt me anymore!" He used his free arm to shield his face when the front door opened.

Joel watched as the police handcuffed Mr. Johansson and the twins. The other boys were ushered out of the house while Mrs. O'Connor bent down beside Joel. "Are you okay?"

He was silent as he wrapped his arms around her. "I am so sorry, Joel," she whispered.

"It's not your fault, ma'am," he replied. "He's a sick man. No one to blame except him... and maybe whoever raised him."

"We'll find you a safe place, Joel. I promise." She tried to reason but Joel put a hand up.

"No. No more foster care. Seven families is way too much for a fourteen-year-old. I'm going to try and make it on my own." He got up and went upstairs to get his luggage. He looked at Mrs. O'Connor with a small smile. "Thanks for all your help. You're the first person to not completely give up on me. You're one of the good ones."

Joel walked outside and saw the twins in the back of the police car. He went over to them and smirked. "Guess who's gonna get their comeuppance in jail," he sing-songed.

"When we get out, you're going to be so overdue, twerp," Jake growled and Chris nodded. Joel shook his head.

"No, when you get out, I'll make sure you get put right back in." He turned and walked off down the main road.

 _ **END FLASHBACK**_

"How you got away with what you did to me, I'll never know, but I'll kill you... or have you killed with no mercy whatsoever," Joel swore despite his new stump of a right hand.

The double doors blasted open and there stood Iron Man, Captain America, Spider-Man, and Deadpool. The four of them looked around the lab until they landed on Joel, who raised an eyebrow. "Um, help me?"

"Joel!" Steve shouted, running over to him. Wade shoved Cartwright into another holding cell while Peter webbed his hands to the wall. Joel, meanwhile, was beginning to feel the aftermath of his missing hand.

"Hey, remember when we watched that movie and I said that it'd be cool to have a chainsaw for a hand?" He chuckled weakly. "Now I can have one."

Wade pulled out a knife and placed a hand on Cartwright's chest. "Joel, can I kill this guy? Please?"

Steve opened his mouth to object but Joel reached out for him with his other hand, which was now unrestrained. "Dads, I never told you guys this, but... my last foster family abused me. The man, he r-raped me—" Steve and Tony paled. "That son of a bitch over there," he pointed to Agent Cartwright, "raped me, had the other boys beat the shit out of me, locked me in the basement, and emotionally and psychologically destroyed me. Wade?" Wade looked up, eyebrow raised. "Hold up the knife." He did so and Joel raised his hand, taking the knife and pointing it right above Cartwright's heart.

"Joely boy, don't. You're not a killer," the agent pleaded. "Remember the good times? The trips to the theme park?"

"Yeah, when you left me behind and I had to walk home. Those were totally fun fucking times," Joel retorted, placing the knife tip at his suit. "I hope you rot wherever you're going." Without another moment's thought, he plunged the knife into Cartwright's heart. The man jerked around for a minute before finally going limp.

"Oh, fuck me." Joel lost consciousness.

* * *

Joel awoke some time later and rubbed his eyes. He looked around, sight settling on his stump. "JARVIS?"

"Master Joel, you're awake. You've been asleep for one week."

"Holy shit, really? Can you call Steve and Tony in here? And maybe Wade and Peter, if they're around?"

"Yes, sir." A few minutes later, Steve and Tony came into the room. Tony bent down beside the bed.

"Hey, kid. You alright?" Joel nodded. "Made something for you." He pulled out a wrapped gift and opened it to reveal a mechanical hand.

Joel beamed. "Cool. Promise me something though?"

Steve got down beside Tony and took Joel's stump. "Anything."

"Never send me on a solo assignment ever again."

Tony and Steve looked at one another and back at Joel. "Deal."

"Masters Parker and Wilson are here to see you," JARVIS announced and the two walked into the room, both unmasked.

Wade reached out and ruffled Joel's hair. "Hey, stumpy, how's it goin'?" Joel looked at him with narrowed eyes before relenting and laughing a little.

"You're okay, right, Joel?" Peter asked, sitting in the chair beside the bed. "You're not—"

"I am far past traumatized," he said, shaking his head. "I've been put through so much shit that nothing really surprises me anymore. I blame the author."

"Wait, what?" Peter, Steve, and Tony all asked at once. Wade, however, was trying to conceal his laughter.

"Wade, get him."

* * *

 **DP** : Hey, Author?

 **A** : Yes, Wade?

 **DP** : C'mere for a sec.

 **A** : I'm not stupid, Wade. What do you want?

 **DP** : I wanted a hug...

 **A** : *sighs* Fine. *walks over to him and gets pulled through* Wade, let me go! Hold on!

* * *

"Wade, what the fuck did you do?!" The Author looked around. "Oh shit." He stared at the superheroes. "Um, hi."

* * *

 _ **A/N2**_ : I think this is the new level of insanity that this story reaches.


	6. Chapter 6

_**A/N**_ : The last chapter will be up soon. I was working on both at the same time.

* * *

The superheroes stared at the new arrival. He was almost six feet tall and had dark brown hair and brown eyes. Wearing a T-shirt with the Deadpool banner and slacks, he stood, shifting uncomfortably from one foot to another, backpack slung over his left shoulder.

"You're the Author?" Joel asked, raising a skeptical eyebrow.

He cleared his throat. "Uh, yeah."

Wade suddenly flung himself at the Author and hugged him. "I like you more in person." The Author chuckled weakly and patted Wade on the back. "Why does your backpack smell like Mexican food?"

The Author smiled and opened his bag. "Well, I stopped by Puerto Alegre when I was out and—" He handed Wade a chimichanga. The man's eyes widened considerably and the Author found himself in another bone-crushing hug.

"How old are you?" Peter spoke up. "You don't much older than—"

"I'm twenty-three, twenty-four in about three months," he replied. "Uh, Wade, can you please put me back now? This is really disconcerting."

"No." Joel cut him off. "First, you're going to explain why the fuck you constantly put me through hell. Just about every story you write me into results in me doing something that makes everyone hate me."

The Author looked around, searching for an escape route. "Yeah, see, the thing about that is—" He made a mad dash for the door but was stopped by Steve, who folded his arms over his chest. He slunk back and sat on the floor. "Wade, please put me back. You're the only one who can do it."

"Nah, I like you and I need another bestie." He dropped to the floor, sidling up to the Author and happily eating his food. "What do we call you anyway?"

The Author bit his bottom lip, running his hand along the spandex. "Well, I'm not going to use my real name. J-just call me Carter."

"I demand an answer." Joel snapped his fingers for attention. "I've been neglected, bullied, humiliated, raped, molested, accused of being a serial killer, committed a school shooting, arrested for beating the shit out of prep school boys, prostituted, tortured, attempted suicide on several occasions, in foster care more than once—and not just in this particular story, and, perhaps worst of all, been forced to sing a fucking catalog of horrible songs." Carter looked mildly guilty. "And all apparently because you needed a filler character for that one damn _Glee_ story."

Wade, Peter, Steve, and Tony were silent the entire time, looking between Joel and Carter. "You write _Glee_ fanfiction?" Wade piped up. Carter looked over at him and nodded slightly. Wade reached out for Joel's laptop. "And for _Pitch Perfect_ , _Teen Wolf_ , _American Horror Story_ , _Veronica Mars_ , _Buffy_ , _Supernatural_ , _Camp Rock_ , and _Austin & Ally_. Wow."

"And I appear in almost all of those," Joel agreed.

"It's over four years of material," Carter murmured. "I'm sorry I put you through so much. I guess I just needed one main OC to take the majority of the abuse."

"Hey, what's your Amazon password?" Wade asked. "Never mind, I got it." He browsed through Carter's orders. "You buy a _lot_ of movies, you know that?" Carter shrugged and Wade kept scrolling. "You also have a digital music addiction, huh? There's almost fifteen-hundred songs here. Petey's been trying to get me to do it legally."

"Excuse me for not wanting the FBI to come to our flat and then finding all your damn weapons," Peter inserted.

Carter looked at Joel. "Joel, I'm sorry."

Joel's gaze softened and he nodded. "Yeah, it's—it's fine. It's all just for kicks. I know you love your OCs like they're your own. I'm actually honored you use me so much."

"So where'd the idea of this story come from?" Wade piped up. "I mean, when you started, you haven't even read any comics."

"I became more invested in you after the marketing campaign for the movie heated up. I wanted to be able to understand some of the more obscure references, so I went to the local comic book store and picked up a couple issues." Carter ran his hand over Wade's suit, earning himself a content purr. "God, you're affectionate."

"But story idea, where'd it come from?" Peter asked, joining Carter in massaging Wade, who resembled something close to a clingy puppy.

"Well, I've been using Joel over there as a way for myself to interact with characters such as yourselves, among others. Difference is, well, Joel's more of who I wish I was. I gave him a face-claim of an actor I find extremely attractive—"

"You're gay too?" Wade asked from his spot lying on the floor.

Carter chuckled. "Yes, Wade, I'm gay. Joel's confident, okay, more confident than me, that's for sure, and he's a smart-ass, doesn't take anyone's shit, and knows how to take care of things. But behind every awesome character like that, there's a reason to keep up the façade. In his case, and actually in many stories' case, it's a fucked-up, broken childhood. Neglectful parents, lots of bullying, disownment by his parents for coming out—don't give me that look, at least I didn't do that to you here, teenage prostitution, etc."

"So what you're saying is, you use the kid as an outlet for what you wanted yourself to be?" Tony asked from his spot beside Steve.

"Essentially, yes. I know I take it way too far sometimes, but I always give him a happy ending, don't I?" He looked at Joel, who shrugged.

"Question!" Wade raised his hand. "About Joel's foster brothers, those douchebag twins, are they gonna come back?"

Carter nudged Wade in the side. "Oh, come on, don't you think that'd be spoiling the chances for a sequel a bit—Oh shit!" Wade looked rather pleased with himself. "Just for that, you're spending an entire chapter with a painfully slow healing factor."

Joel had his mechanical hand attached by Tony and was getting out of bed. "Let's go show Carter the city. I happen to know for a fact that he's never been to New York." Carter looked scandalized. "What? You talk to me sometimes when you're writing."

"Don't get him killed!" Tony and Steve called out as they left the tower.

* * *

"What's the one thing you've always wanted to do in New York?" Peter asked as the four boys walked through Times Square, the three superheroes clad in their costumes.

"Well, go to a Broadway show," Carter admitted, blushing a little. "I mean, I've been to plenty of shows where I'm from, but never one on the _real_ Broadway."

Wade nudged Joel. "Why do I have a feeling he's a virgin?" Carter blanched. "Or has a very mediocre sex life?"

"Wade, shut up," Carter growled, "or, I promise, you will suffer so much in the sequel."

"Virgin..." Joel taunted. Carter shot him a dirty look. "What?" He asked with the most innocent look he could muster. Carter spotted a group of people looking and pointing at the trio of superheroes.

"Hey, everybody!" Carter waved to the crowd. "Now's your chance for a photo op with Deadpool and the newly-named Storm Bane!" Wade and Joel both looked mortified and Carter shot them a smug look. "Smile for the cameras, guys."

The crowd came rushing over, camera phones out. "Hey, where'd Spidey go?" A kid asked. Carter looked around; Peter had indeed disappeared.

"I'll go find him," Carter said. "You guys get everyone's pictures, okay?" The two shot Carter glares but did so. Carter took off, running down alleyways; he figured Spider-Man went off to fight a robber or something, but found him engaged in battle with a disfigured individual on a glowing green glider. "Holy. Shit."

"Carter, get out of here!" Peter shouted, shooting webs every which way he could.. The man nodded and turned to leave just as an explosion happened, the force of which sent Carter diving to the ground, hands over his head for protection. He could hear the Green Goblin's cackling approach him but Spider-Man picked him up and webbed away with him.

"Thanks, Peter," Carter whispered as they went.

"What were you doing?" Peter looked down at Carter, his expression unreadable through the mask.

"Wade and Joel were being dicks, so I put them into a photo session with fans and since you disappeared, I came looking for you," Carter mumbled. "I'm sorry if I got in the way." He was put down beside Wade and Joel, who both looked exhausted from the people who wanted selfies with them. "Hey, Wade?"

"Yeah, bestie?"

"Can you send me home now? I think I've had enough of this alternate reality for one day." Carter rubbed the back of his head. Wade looked at Peter and Joel for input, but they both only nodded.

"Alright," he sighed dramatically. They shooed away the fans and went to a secluded part of Central Park. "Well, it was awesome getting to hang out with the guy who's making us look awesome on the fanfiction site."

Peter unmasked and pulled Carter in for a hug. "Stay safe in your reality, dude. Hopefully, there's a less likely chance of you dying where you're from."

"Well, unless the convenience store I work at gets robbed, I'll be just fine." Carter wrapped an arm around Joel. "You, however, will be just fine. I promise I'll make a better life for you."

"You better," Joel muttered, "or we'll talk Wade into bringing you back in."

"Next time, bring more Mexican food," Wade whispered. Carter chuckled and patted his head.

"I will." Carter stepped back and closed his eyes.

* * *

 _ **A/N2**_ : I didn't know how to write dimensional travel, so I didn't.


	7. Chapter 7

After Carter was sent back to his reality, Joel disappeared for a couple hours, allowing Peter and Wade to do a sweep of the city.

"Hey, Wade?" The two were sitting on a rooftop, eating tacos Wade had acquired as they had passed a Mexican place. Wade looked at him, his mask rolled up to his nose so he could enjoy the food.

"Yeah, Petey?" Bits of taco flew out of his mouth and Peter gave him a cross look. "Sorry." He wiped his mouth.

"I was thinking about Joel and you know how he doesn't really have anyone?" Wade nodded. "Well, you know what you and I have?" Wade nodded again. "I thought maybe we could share that with him. I don't know, how do you feel about it?"

Wade swallowed his bite before speaking again. "Pete, you know I like him, a lot, but it seems like he has way too much baggage for a twenty-one-year-old. I mean, I am totally down for it, but what happens when some other fucked-up part of his past shows up?"

"Then we get him through it." Peter used one hand to take Wade's and beamed. "Just like how he'd help us if we needed it."

* * *

Wade and Peter arrived back at Avengers Tower around the same time Joel was coming back and ordered out. The three sat in Joel's room, eating pizza and talking.

"Guys, I, uh, got something for you." Joel pulled a big bag from behind him. "It's kind of a thank you for saving me and being my friends."

"You didn't have to get us anyth—" Peter started to say but Wade elbowed him hard in the side.

Joel smiled, his cheeks tinged with a blush, and pulled out a small box. "Peter, this is for you. It's—"

"Oh my God, he's proposing!" Wade gushed.

"Shut up, Wade!" Joel and Peter spoke at the same time.

"This is a key and it goes to a secret room that contains the biggest motherfucking encyclopedia collection in human existance. We'll go there this weekend."

Peter looked down at the key in the box and back up at the smiling boy. "Wow, Joel, this is—this is amazing. Thank you."

He turned to Wade. "As for you, I actually had to take a very special trip to California just to get this. And for the love of God, Wade, don't spend it all in one night, promise?"

Wade shrugged. "I can't make that promise. I have to know what it is first."

Joel produced another box, this one containing a bright red card. "This, Wade Wilson, is a one million dollar gift card to Taco Bell." Wade stared down at the gift in silence for a few moments before lunging at Joel, planting kisses all over him. "Oh, God, please, Wade, seriously. Please get off of me."

"I love you!" Wade had to pried off of Joel by Peter.

"Hey, Joel?" The brunet sat up and dusted himself off. "Wade and I talked it over and we want to invite you into our—uh—arrangement."

Wade rolled his eyes and took Peter's hand as well as Joel's mechanical one. "Basically, he's saying that we both want to fuck you." Peter reddened but nodded. "And by fuck you, we mean you share in the relationship we have—and literally fuck you."

Joel looked between them as if it were a prank but after a minute, he pulled both of them into a hug. "I would love that."

Peter was the first to pull out of the hug and he leaned back in, kissing Joel's lips gently. Wade, meanwhile, removed his shirt and set to work unbuckling Peter's pants. Once removed, he moved to tug Joel's sweater over his head, but a loud bang filled the room and Wade was thrown against the wall.

"Ow! What the fuck?" Joel pulled his knees up to his chest and turned away.

"Joel?" Peter put a hand on his shoulder, only receiving a whimper in response. "What's wrong?" Joel turned back and shakily pulled his shirt off, revealing a multitude of scars up and down his arms and upper body. Most had faded but the anger behind them was clear. "Oh my God," Peter murmured. "Did you—" Joel nodded.

Wade had climbed onto the bed and wrapped his arms around Joel from behind, a surprised look crossing his features when he wasn't blasted off of him. "No one's gonna hurt you ever again," he promised. "Or I'll kill them." Joel allowed himself to relax in Wade's hold and Peter joined them.

"We don't have to do anything now—" Wade whined but silenced once Peter glared at him.

"I'm sorry," Joel whispered as Peter ran his fingers through his hair soothingly.

"Don't be sorry. You know that both Wade and myself will always protect you, right?" Joel nodded. "Good."

* * *

"Spider-Man, do you swear to uphold all that justice is and stands for?" Tony snorted; Steve was making this up as he went. Peter nodded. "As of right now, you are an official Avenger. Congratulations."

"Look at you, Spidey." Deadpool tilted his head in admiration. "I'm banging an Avenger..."

Joel knocked on Wade's head from behind. "Um, hello. You're banging _two_. My inauguration was this morning, in case you forgot." He was in his own spandex suit.

Wade squealed like a teenage girl. "I'm the luckiest merc I know! Getting a three-way with Spider-Man and—" He snickered a little. "Storm Bane."

"Bite me, Wade."

"With pleasure." Wade leaned toward him but Joel shoved him away.

"Not now, you pervert," he scolded.

Peter put an arm on his shoulder. "Are you comfortable with—" Joel looked uneasy. "You know we don't have to."

"My blue balls disagree," Wade muttered. Both Joel and Peter punched him at the same time. "Hey! Mean," he whined, rubbing his shoulders.

"I need a drink." Joel wandered over to the bar.

"Congrats, kid. We need the webslinging on the team," Tony said, patting Peter on the back. "Wait, is Joel _drinking_?" Peter nodded. "Shit. This will not end well." From Peter's curious expression, he elaborated. "Every time Joel gets drunk, he becomes more insufferable than ever, if that were even possible."

Ten minutes later, Joel had knocked back several glasses of whatever Bruce could concoct, but he wasn't drunk. At that exact moment, Thor returned with Jane, Darcy, and a keg of Asgardian liquor.

"No!" Steve and Tony ran to stop Joel from filling a glass. "Joel, no. You are not getting any of that. Tony had _one_ shot of it and was out like a light. It's potent enough to take out Thor. There is no way you could even begin to handle it."

"I may consider you my dads, but in the past two weeks, I've been abducted, tortured, gotten my hand cut off, and nearly blown up. Let me live a little," he said, trying to duck around them.

"It's just going to go to waste unless someone mans up and takes a shot," Darcy pointed out, holding out two shot glasses. Joel snatched one and filled it. Everyone watched in fear as he examined the golden liquid closely before tilting his head back and downing it.

"J-Joel?" Steve stepped towards the young man nervously.

Joel licked his lips and looked up at the blond. "It's good. Really good, actually. Darce, another one." He handed her the glass and she shakily got him another.

"What the hell?!" Clint shouted from the foyer.

"How is that possible?"

"He must be stronger than we thought."

"There's no fucking way this is real."

The whispers floated around the room like wildfire. Joel, meanwhile, seemed completely oblivious to the voices, instead focusing on getting more.

"Joel?" Peter reached out towards the smaller man. He looked up, eyes strangely unfocused. "A-are you okay?"

"What? I'm perfectly fine." His eyes seemed to space further apart, making everyone near him step back nervously. "Why do you all look so terrified? Did I suddenly grow another head or something?"

"Y-you're not—" Steve stammered. "How strong is that stuff supposed to be again?" He looked over at Darcy and Jane, both of whom shrugged.

"Shall we adjourn to the bedroom, guys?" Joel offered his hands to Wade and Peter and led them upstairs with everyone watching them. Once the door closed, Joel pulled out a small remote and pressed a red button.

"What was that for?" Wade asked as seemingly nothing happened.

There was a bang on the door. "Joel!" It was Tony. "Stop disabling JARVIS' access to your room!"

"I don't think the AI wants to see a threesome!" Joel called back. Tony was silent for a moment before leaving, saying something about smart-ass tech wizards. "Now where were we?" Joel turned back to—he guess he could call them—his boyfriends, who were both standing in their underwear.

"Oh fuck yes."

* * *

A car was idling outside Avengers Tower and in the front seat sat two young, handsome blond men. "He's a fucking superhero? Goddamn it."

"Are you really that surprised? He could do shit that's considered impossible. Like that healing thing. I know his arm wasn't really broken, well, for long anyway; he was keeping up appearances."

"Jake?"

"Yeah, Chris?"

"Let's get that little fucker."

* * *

 _ **A/N**_ : And that's a wrap. The sequel, currently titled _Only He (Has the Power to Move Me)_ , is in production as we speak.


End file.
